2013: The Year of Change

     My top track of 2013, a peaceful yet powerful song that fits with all of the 

many ways that things changed in 2013. Feel free to listen as you read:

     Well, here we are at the start of another year, one that holds a lot of promise and I'm sure many adventures. People will continue moving, working, getting married, having kids, and overall doing this thing we call living. But, before we get rolling too far into the new year, it's time to look back and reflect on 2013 and all that it had to offer.

     For me, 2013 was called The Year of Change from the start and it certainly was. I started the year by starting this blog, which I guess makes Just a Thought one year old (happy birthday). Hopefully all of you readers out there have gotten something out of the ten posts that I wrote over this past year. I know I certainly got a lot out of writing them, as they often allowed and forced me to do deeper reflection on the various events happening in my life. As always, I write them for my readers to really consider the points that I'm making and think of how they can apply what I've written to their own lives. I plan to continue this blog into the next year, making my writings more crisp and hitting my readers with a lot of powerful points. For those who have read Just a Thought in 2013, I thank you for your time and appreciate any response you feel that you can give, as that's what I use to make improvements and know that I'm really making a difference.

     Continuing on, in January I started my final semester at UMD, one that was filled from one end to the other and wrapped up my days as an undergrad. Through this semester I was on a mission, one that I described in one of my previous posts (http://asickle.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-and-why-my-mission.html). I came out of a rough winter break searching for answers and landed on the concept that it is critical for you to know what you believe, and more importantly, why you believe it because if you don't then what are you really living off of and how can you expect others to really take you seriously? I spent a good amount of time through the semester meeting with friends and asking them these questions, finally compiling a mix of their answers as well as my own and presenting the whole thing on the last nav night. Since then, I've realized that the mission couldn't end there and I've decided that I'm going to carry it on throughout the rest of my life (see: https://www.facebook.com/whatandwhybeyondthemission). That wasn't the only thing that happened during the semester though. I took one more Nav spring break trip, enjoyed my last days at the Smith school of business, had a few more late night conversations with my awesome roomie/partner in bromance, and picked up my Testudo picture as I walked across the stage. All in all, my time at UMD ended well.

     Of course, despite what it may sometimes have felt like, life wasn't over just because I graduated, rather it was just truly beginning. I was lucky enough to have gotten myself a job related to my major before I graduated, something that's hard to do these days. I started out on my own up in Rockville in July at a company called Avendra as a Strategic Contracting Analyst, a position that taught me more in a few months than I learned in a whole year of school. It was a bit of a wild ride between my new job and my living situation but it worked as a starting place...at least to start. By the time October came around it became apparent that things weren't really working out with what I was doing or where I was living. I left my position in search of one that would be a better fit and I'm now still job searching, looking for an entry level role as a buyer, something I believe will fit me much better. I also was given the opportunity to move out of the place I was living in when my brother and his wife bought a house in Greenbelt, with an extra room that they offered to rent to me. I've spent the past couple of months there living solo which has been a great time for reflection, but that's all about to change when they move in in the near future.

     With all of the changes happening this year, there were a few times I had the itch to travel. My first big trip was when I got to visit Chicago for a few days with one of my classes. This was a unique experience to a wildly busy city, one that acts as a major logistics hub for the US and has many sights such at the Willis (Sears) tower. After graduation, in June, I traveled again, this time heading up to Pittsburgh to see a good friend who I hadn't seen since his graduation over a year before. We went to a Pirates game, checked out the Duquesne Incline, and I saw a lot of road construction including some that had been going on for a while...as in, a quarter of a century kind of a while. My third and final trip of the year came after I left my job, when I felt the need and had the time to travel south and see what my old roomie was getting himself into down in Atlanta at Georgia Tech. On the way I checked out a couple of museums in Richmond, visited a museum/aquarium/zoo in Greensboro, and an awesome transportation museum in Spencer. In Atlanta, I got to meet my bud's new roomies, check out the campus, see the Coke HQ (did you know the reason we have the Santa figure that we do today as a jolly red suit wearing man is because of a Coke marketing campaign?), tour the CNN HQ, and overall relax for a few days. I eventually made my way back north, stopping in Pigeon Forge Tennessee for a day, long enough to visit the most incredible museum I have ever been to. The Titanic museum building itself is a replica of half of the original ship and the inside had some of the most incredible displays, artifacts, and realistic exhibits I've ever seen. I continued north the next day, driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway for a while and stopping for a tour of Luray Caverns. Overall these trips expanded my view of just how much the world has to offer.

     I'm not the only one that change happened to though. This fall I got to be a part of my second sibling's wedding as she brought a man, one whom I've looked to for advice and mentorship since starting my time at UMD, into our family. Being asked to do a scripture reading as a part of the ceremony after all that she helped me with in terms of my faith over this past year was really powerful. I realized and shared that day that up to that point, I had spent more time with her throughout our years growing up than anyone else had, and I figured it was time someone else took over. They decided to go and live out in Seattle though, so I suppose I have somewhere new to be travelling to.

    One sibling didn't entirely steal the show in terms of change this year though. When I mentioned earlier that my brother and his wife were about to be moving into their new home, I didn't mention that they would be bringing an extra person with them. Announced back in February and arriving in October, I became an uncle this year when a new little squeaker made her way into the world. In just a couple of short months I've gotten to see her countless times, learning the different noises she makes and positions she likes to be held in. This is something that will only increase from here once she's living across the hall from me. It's certainly odd seeing the next generation of our family beginning, but it's something I'm coming to like more and more every time I see her little smile.

     The cycle from the old to the new didn't just happen within my family though. Although the year started off rough with one of my closest friends, it seems as though time, a letter, understanding, and some time like the old days may have breathed new life. My moving up to Rockville also allowed me to make some new friends, one of which I've gotten to hang out with throughout this fall semester as she has made up one of the three of the new nav trio, with the trio that I was a part of having made our way out this spring. Getting to hang out on campus some this semester without actually being a student myself was a pretty unique experience, feeling like somewhat of an outsider even though I called the place my own not long ago.

     Even Christmas time was filled with change this year. For the first time, I set up a Christmas tree but it wasn't in the same place that I have for the first 21 years of my life. Luckily we had everyone down in St. Mary's for Christmas eve and Christmas day, but this year my father moved next door and we woke up and opened presents in a new spot. Despite the changes involved with my favorite and most tradition based holiday, things went well and the season was great as always.

     Well, there you have it, my 2013 The Year of Change in review. Now we're here once again at the start of another year, 2014, which I'm sure will hold just as many surprises as 2013 did. Looking back at my first blog post, the one that reviewed 2012, I noticed that I'm once again saying a lot of similar things in terms of moving, marriages, kids, jobs, and everything else. This annual post is the big one though, the one that causes me to really stop and reflect on an entire year rather than just a specific topic as most of my other posts this past year have. I continue to learn each year more about how vastly different humans can be from each other, even if they come from the same family and grew up down the hall from each other. Despite all of these differences, somehow each year all 7 billion or so of us continue to live in some sense of harmony on this spinning space rock we call home.

     One thing is for certain though, as 2013 showed, change is a constant. One of my favorite shows, Doctor Who, just introduced a new actor to replace the main character of The Doctor, something that happens every so often and is how the show has been around 50 years. The actor bidding farewell was Matt Smith, the person who was the doctor when I was introduced to the show a few years ago, and his final words were as follows: "Times change, and so must I... We all change. When you think about it, we're all different people all through our lives and that's ok, that's good, you've got to keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be." I've been reflecting on these lines since first hearing them a few days ago and I believe they cap off 2013 perfectly.

     So here we are, at the beginning of another new year and another new adventure. We can never be certain as to what this year will hold, despite any hopes we may have or plans we may make. One thing I do know though is that as long as we have good people around us to help us go through whatever may come, I'm sure we'll all be back reflecting on everything again this time next year. I know one thing, I've certainly made many impactful changes in 2013. I started this blog, started a lifelong faith related mission, and even started my own EDM radio show called For the Soul. I changed my life verse that I spoke of in last year's new years post to Job 38:3 which says: "Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me." I even made a change right as the new year was being welcomed in by finally winning the annual spoons tournament at the new years eve party that I've gone to for the past 15 years, the first time a Sickle has ever won it (see below). Change is something I've never been fond of but I've been realizing more and more that change is what keeps things going. As some one who is apparently thought of when people think about someone being themselves, I believe that I will continue going from being the one afraid of change to being the one causing it.

Happy new year everyone and thank you for reading what started a year ago now, as just a thought.

The victory spoon with my name engraved! Finally brought the Sickle family into the annually growing winner's circle.

Experience: Life's Greatest Teacher

      (Small Moments: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z1pi1boiqo&noredirect=1)

     There's just nothing like it. Time and time again it proves to be invaluable, often more so than anything else. Someone tells you all about a big event in great detail...but you still can't fully comprehend what happened. You look at a picture of a huge moment in time...but you still don't feel the strong emotional attachment. You've read all about it in books...but you still don't have the memories and knowledge that you would have, had you actually been there. What's the missing link that pulls everything together, from our personal lives to our professional, from our friendships to our enemies, and even our huge failures to our greatest triumphs? Experience.

     One of the biggest ways that experience makes itself known and needed is when you're applying for a job. You can read all kinds of job descriptions and apply all you want, but more often than not, if you don't meet the required experience level that those hiring are looking for, you won't even get a call. College degrees are great, even more so with advanced degrees in specialized fields, but if you have eight years of education while someone else has eight years of direct experience, guess who looks more valuable to employers? The reason for this is that experience simply can't be beaten. When you are working in a position, really living it day in and day out, you get the full learning that touches on every sense and stimulates your mind in a way that lectures and textbooks can't. So many things that happen on the job are things that are unforeseen and the reactions to these events all depend on the situation and the human dynamics happening at the time. In my recent position I learned more in the four months that I was there than I did from an entire year of college education. The pace and relevance of everything I learned was incredible. Most employers today need their employees to be up to date and on top of everything that's going on in their industry and the greatest way to do this is by living what's happening on a daily basis.

     Experience doesn't stop in the workplace however and it's not just a check mark on a job application. The greatest experiences we have are in our personal lives. Whether you're experiencing ecstasy or symptoms of depression, everyone experiences life differently at different times and our experiences are constantly changing. One of the most notable examples of how experience makes a difference is when someone tells you about a great event or a great trip they had. You can see the pictures, hear the stories, watch the videos, and even see the expressions on the faces of those who were there, but you just can't fully grasp and understand it fully unless you experience it for yourself. I believe one of the major reasons for this is because we all take things in and interpret them differently. If you're someone who loves the beach and you took me with you on a beach vacation, we would probably have a different experience and remember it differently. You would probably have a great time and feel relaxed while I would wonder what we were doing there and ask when the real fun starts. Either way, we would still understand what happened better and feel more emotion associated with the trip than someone we shared stories with when we got back. The experience, good or bad, still has more impact than no experience at all.

     I believe the deepest type of experience we can have though is the experience we have in relating to other people. Entire relationships, dreams, and even lives are built off of our interactions with others and the overall experience we have with them. It's said that first impressions are the most important but I believe it's also important to look beyond this and really get to know someone before casting any judgement or feeling like you understand them. The experiences you have with another person are the building blocks in any relationship, be it friendship or a romantic one. You learn so much through spending time with another person that you could never understand through that person being described. With this, I believe it's also important to experience what another person is like in a variety of settings. If you only spend time with a person when they're in a happy mood or at a party like event, you don't really get the full picture. It takes the experience of interacting with someone through their triumphs and trials, being able to see them struggle and overcome, in order to really learn who they are. One of the stories my dad has told me about when he was dating my mom was that he spent some time working with her hand in hand on different projects so that he could learn what it was like to be around her in a more typical day kind of setting. If you think you know someone without having experienced at least a sample of what life has to offer with them, you've missed an important teaching lesson.

     Overall, I believe that experience is not just a teacher but the core of life itself. Life is worth living because of the wide variety of experiences that we have, with so many of them being unplanned and maybe even the opposite of what we expected. The interesting thing to think about is how others experiences in their own lives are what led you to the experiences that you've had in your own life and even the opportunity to have them.  As a good friend of mine recently said, "Our time is not infinite here on these grounds, enjoy those little moments like: weddings, first days of school, holidays, small victories, helping others and loving each other." That's really what life is in a sense, a series of experiences that everyone has that make a whole picture when put together. It's no surprise then that experience, is in fact, life's greatest teacher.

Just a thought.

Didn't see that coming: Finding your "fit"

     It never ceases to amaze me. We can have everything planned out, think we know what we're doing, and then watch it all fall apart and not go according to plan at all. We couldn't have predicted that, it just happened once we broke our plans out of the vacuum and introduced them to reality. Factors beyond our control get thrown into the mix and people react in ways we never expected. Often times we get to a point where we wonder why we planned anything at all and think we just wasted a lot of time and effort towards something that didn't come to fruition. Sure it was a learning experience, as all things are, but was anything actually accomplished?

     Recently, I've discovered for myself many of the hard truths of life after college that many can talk about but you can't really understand until you experience it for yourself. Suddenly you become entirely independent, which can be great but is also very daunting, overwhelming, and often lonely. No longer is there a clear cut path of sorts, no more 4 year plan, no more rubrics and grades to show you what to do and how to do it well. Just when you thought you were an adult now and were starting to have things figured out at the top of the pile, you get dropped to the bottom and learn quickly just how much you don't know. I feel part of this pressure comes from society and the way our "way of life" or "American dream" is structured. You get your degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, have kids, save for your retirement, and live happily ever after. The layout is a nice neat plan of sorts, a list that you can check things off of so that you feel accomplished and know that you've "arrived"...somewhere. But that's just it. Where are you "arriving" at? A place of safety? Comfort? Peace? Life isn't that simple and our desires may not match those societal norms. If we're in a place such as America, our lives are largely ours to control and, although it's cliche, if we set our minds on something, we can probably find a way to get there, granted it's not something impossible like flapping your arms until you fly.

     An important thing I've been learning is that it's not enough to just have a job that pays a large salary or be in a good location. Success and desire most often come from having a passion about what it is that you're doing. Take this blog for example; I'm not being paid to write this, I'm doing it because I have a passion for writing my deep introspective thoughts and sharing them with others so that you the readers reflect on what you're reading and consider these things for yourselves. As humans we are experiential creatures that thrive not off of logic but off of joy and passion in whatever it is that we're doing. It's been shown time and time again that big bucks, lots of stuff, and fame can cause depression and a deep feeling of emptiness if we aren't enjoying it and sharing it with others. That's why I believe, as I'm discovering, that it's critical to find your "fit", be it with a job, a place, or even a lifestyle that you're actually excited to get up for in the morning and can't wait to get more of. One of the complaints that many older people have about my generation, the millennials, is that we want a gold star on everything and expect to be CEO right out of college. While not everyone may not be on that power trip, many have the desire to actually get a sense of enjoyment out of what they're doing. It's silly and impractical to expect a dream job from the start, but in order to thrive, you still need some kind of joy motivating you to grow, not just a paycheck and a lot of learning about something that you may not actually be interested in learning about. This sense of fit not only comes from the new shiny entry level job environment, but also from your life outside of work and the time you spend doing other things with other people. If you don't really have a good fit in your workplace, your living place, or your social community, you start spinning round and round to look to one of these places to provide satisfaction and if none work, that spinning starts going in a negative and downward spiraling direction.

     Another trait of my generation is that we rarely stay in one place for a long period of time. We want to keep trying things and seeing what we like in order to find our fit. When we're in college, we have to declare a major and complete the requirements associated with that major in order to graduate and earn our degree. The thing is, at that point in our lives, we don't have that much experience actually doing real jobs and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. There are so many people that get their degree in something and then go actually do something completely different. This fascinates me because it seems so odd that our system is set up that way, where we're really just showing that we can earn a degree and then we can figure out what we really want to learn about and spend our time doing. Granted, college is a place where we learn much more outside of the classroom than we do in it. Regardless, my generation has been told we can be anything we want to be and do anything we want to do and with that in mind driving us, we're not going to stay with one job or in one place until we find what we want. We're used to instant gratification and things moving rapidly in all aspects of our lives, so we want to rapidly find our fit wherever that may be.

     One of the things that continues to challenge me is that there are many instances where you have to go with what you've got and you get caught off guard by an unexpected reaction or turn of events. In finding your fit, you may find yourself doing something you never expected, saying that you didn't see that coming. The same goes for conversations and interactions you have with others, no matter how close you think you are to them. You may have plans for what you want to talk about and things you want to do, all to have the fact that you even had those plans hinder your conversation and damage your relationship. The remarkable thing is, you can't really realize how wrong you are or how big of a mistake you may be making until you're in it or after the fact because again, you didn't see that coming. Having relationships with others require finding and maintaining your fit with them as well.


     Overall, it seems like life is always going to be full of curve balls and require continuous effort towards trying to find your passion and achieve your goals. There will be many times where you won't see something coming and your fit may seem like something you'll never find because you don't even know what you want or how to know what you want. But, the important thing is to keep playing ball and interacting with others because only once you pop your individual bubble will you be able to find your fit in a non-bubble world. It won't come easy and it won't come quick but the best things in life never seem to and it'll have all been worth it once you find your fit, or at least so I've heard. Remember, finding your fit has to start somewhere, so you might as well start with just a thought.

Circumstances and Control

              We all do it, some more than others. We have plans, hopes, dreams, ideas, and goals that guide us from where we are now to where we want to be at some point in the future. Funny thing is, we don’t realize just how little control we have over actually accomplishing these things until something comes along and throws us off course. In fact, we have so little control over our own lives and circumstances it’s amazing we can function without becoming overwhelmed to the point of mental shutdown. I guess it’s just something we never really focus on, kind of like an elephant in the room that we just go around in order to do what it is we want to do.

               A bold and complex concept such as this one of course comes with its complications. I’m not saying you have no say in your life or that you shouldn’t have those plans, goals, etc. that I mentioned above. In fact, that would normally be a horrible way of thinking because it can lead to laziness, self-defeat, and an overall apathetic outlook on life. The saying goes that if you want something go out and get it, or at least something along those lines. It can require a mix of determination, will, and strength of mind and body to even get up in the morning, but we need these things in order to face whatever comes at us that day. But, therein lies my point of this post. Daily we face whatever comes at us.

Let’s say that one night there was a thunderstorm that made your electric flicker long enough for your clocks to be reset. You woke up that morning later than usual because your alarm never went off due to the clock reset. This caused you to leave twenty minutes later than normal which lead to you being caught in a major traffic jam that you wouldn’t have run into if you had left when you normally do. You eventually make it in to work but you missed a big meeting in which you were supposed to give a presentation. You explain to your boss what happened and he seems to understand, but underneath he’s irritated and thinks you’re just giving him an excuse for having hit the snooze bar too many times. When the opportunity comes for you to be promoted a week later, your boss considers you but remembers that day you were late and missed the meeting due to a “traffic jam”. So, he decides to give the promotion to someone who is more “responsible”, someone he feels is more suited for the position. Initially you’re disappointed, but this decision has huge ripple effects. Because you weren’t promoted, your career doesn’t advance as fast as you wanted it to. On top of that, you weren’t in the position to meet someone who would have been a great mentor and friend, someone who would have changed your outlook on life and maybe even those plans and dreams you have. The amount of hypothetical ripple effects could go on and on, but hopefully you’re starting to see my point. Was it within your control for that original thunderstorm to have happened while you were sleeping which lead to everything else? Maybe you were too reliant on that alarm clock and you could have had more “control” if you had gotten enough sleep to wake up naturally without it. The list of things that were in your control or weren’t could go on and on.

If you think about it, the amount of your life that’s actually within your control is rather small. If you put it into some kind of pie chart, I bet your slice would be about the size of a normal slice of pie while outside events and circumstances gets to chow down on the rest. You had no control over when you were born. You had no control over the country you were born into. You had no control over the race or gender that you are. Beyond all of this, you had no control over what the implications of all of these things mean. Maybe you wish you were born back in colonial times, seeing the country you live in today being formed around you. Maybe you’ve endured a large amount of suffering or trauma in your life simply because of the color of your skin or because you’re a chick instead of a dude. Whatever the case may be, it’s not really something we should dwell on in terms of trying to change what has already happened. The challenge is to try and overcome the circumstances you’re in and work with the control you’ve got to try and make things the way you want them to be, despite the fact that someone thought you were on a diet when they were cutting the control pie chart.

Now I’m going to take things to the next level a little bit. It’s often said that God is all powerful and “in control”. For Christians, there’s also the notion of surrendering control of your life to Christ. Now the question is, how does this really work? Is it down to an action by action level, meaning if I decided to wave hello to you, was that God in control making me do that? Or is it more of an overarching thing where different things in our lives work together for His plans in a way we can’t understand? The trick with that one though is that all of our individual actions add up to the bigger picture of our lives, as I talked about earlier. With all of this, I come to the same conclusion. There are countless things both inside and outside of our control and we can’t draw any kind of line as to where God’s “control” stops and ours begins, if that’s even how that works. That being the case, I try not to focus on it too much because it’s the kind of thing where you can loop around and around into perpetuity, never hitting any kind of central answer. If you want my thoughts on a similar topic, read my last post. Supposedly God has us in the circumstances that we’re in for a reason and we have to act out of that. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t complain or praise God for whatever situation you’re in or for the control you feel you have versus what you think you should have. But, good luck ever coming to any hard conclusions and join the rest of us questioning the same thing.

Overall, I guess my point is that we have to keep perspective on this whole matter. If we think we’re fully in control of our lives, we get knocked down pretty quickly when we walk outside and realize we don’t live in individual vacuums. If we think we have no control, motivation and progress are lost rapidly. Our circumstances and the control we have are usually the result of millennia of years of events from before we even existed. So, when you set a goal or start thinking about where you want to be in five years, remember how little control you have, work with the circumstances you’re in, and keep in mind that there are billions of others doing the same thing constantly around the world and their plans may not mesh with yours. Your life will never go according to plan but I guess that’s why it’s called a messy adventure.

Just a thought…

Human Arrogance

            It’s a part of human nature but it never ceases to amaze me. Throughout our lives there are many instances where we like to think we’re in charge. We feel like we can control our lives and that we’re at the top of the food chain, so much so that reality itself is contingent upon our decisions. Our lives are often guided by this arrogance as are our entire mindsets, despite the fact that we’re often shown how little control we really have. Never the less, we work our way back to thinking that our actions and decisions are the final say in countless areas.

           

            The biggest, and perhaps most critical, area where this ugly superiority complex rears its head is when it comes to God and our interactions with Him. When we take a look at Job, one of the oldest yet I believe to be most powerful books in the Bible, we see this problem display itself clearly. In this book, Job goes from having it all to losing everything from family to fortune, all in an incredibly short period of time. The whole thing leaves him reeling and the majority of the book is a long debate that Job has with a few buddies over why he just lost everything and what he can do to fix it, as shown in Job 22:6-11 for example: “you must have lent money to your friend and demanded clothing as security. Yes, you stripped him to the bone. ⁷ You must have refused water for the thirsty and food for the hungry. ⁸ You probably think the land belongs to the powerful and only the privileged have a right to it! ⁹ You must have sent widows away empty-handed and crushed the hopes of orphans. ¹⁰ That is why you are surrounded by traps and tremble from sudden fears. ¹¹ That is why you cannot see in the darkness, and waves of water cover you.” The whole thing is quite remarkable as they go around and around thinking that they know God and why He has let things happen the way they have. Finally, Elihu, a younger guy who has been sitting there listening to the others go on and on takes a stand and essentially tells them how ignorant they all are, such as in Job 35:6-8: “If you sin, how does that affect him? If your sins are many, what does that do to him? ⁷ If you are righteous, what do you give to him, or what does he receive from your hand? ⁸ Your wickedness only affects humans like yourself, and your righteousness only other people.” Then, God comes in and lays down the law big time on Job, starting in Job 38:2-3: “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.” God is even sarcastic throughout His rant and shows Job just how incredibly oblivious he really is, starting in Job 38:4-5: ““Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. ⁵ Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!” (which makes me think of the Wonka meme btw, had to make one: http://memegenerator.co/instance/39599244) There are a couple times throughout this tirade by God that Job tries to withdraw himself and say that he’s just going to shut up now but God isn’t finished with him yet. In the end, Job has what he lost and then some restored to him by God and he’s able to go on knowing now just how little he really knows.

            

            The reason I enjoy this book so much is because it’s still very applicable today. We can see all over instances where people assign things or events that happen to God, good and bad, and then we say what they mean or what has to happen because of it. In fact, often times we even take it a step further and use these things or events to determine our faith and decide whether or not we even believe in God’s existence. Our faiths, beliefs, and opinions change so rapidly and are so fickle, it’s astounding that we’re even able to function and hold a well-reasoned conversation or debate. For example, say you found ten bucks on the ground one day and you used it to treat a friend to lunch or maybe you put it in the offering plate at church. Must have been a blessing from God who is all loving and wanted to show His love by leading you to finding that ten bucks. Or maybe the opposite, maybe there was a plane crash or a school shooting which had dozens of casualties, so now we have to question whether a loving God really exists because He let these things happen….wait, what? Since when can we assign what we call good or bad things or events to God in such a way that either has us praising Him or questioning His existence? Say that ten bucks you found belonged to someone who really needed it but accidentally dropped it and now they’re going hungry for the night while you’re out spending it. Or maybe that plane crash or school shooting leads to a lot of people coming to Christ or a whole slew of new regulations that prevent such things from happening again. Well now what? That thing that was a “blessing” was bad for the other guy because he started questioning God’s existence and ultimately left the faith, all over the notion that a loving God would never let him lose that ten bucks and go hungry. And that horrific event that had you questioning a loving God’s existence was a great thing for dozens of others because they came to know Christ. My point of this is that it’s a matter of perspective from our human standpoint and we really have no clue what God was doing here one way or another. We quickly like to come out and announce that something was a blessing or a curse though and declare that we know what God was doing in whatever the situation may be, even though we really have no clue.

            

            Let’s take this a step further and apply it to certain things that happened that are talked about in the Bible. For example, in a recent discussion I was in, people were discussing God’s good-ness and talking about the tenth plague in Egypt when the firstborn children are killed. In regards to this story, one said that they didn’t think they could believe in a loving God who allowed this to happen or even was the reason for it happening. Points were made back and forth all over, but the one I kept stressing was that it didn’t entirely matter. What I mean by this is, sure our own personal faiths and relationships with God are something that we for the most part control, but our decisions regarding belief in God doesn’t affect His existence. Our personal belief in an all loving, all powerful, etc. God doesn’t change the objective fact of His existence or non-existence. It’s hard to draw a direct comparison, but that’s like saying you believed in the sun and thought it could only do “good” things but then you got sunburn so now you choose not to believe in it. There are many flaws in this comparison, I know, but my point is not the details of the comparison but the fact that the sun’s existence/non-existence doesn’t hinge on your belief in it. Its existence is an objective thing that doesn’t change based on how we’re feeling that day. Same thing goes with God; his existence isn’t hinged upon whether or not you believe in Him. Along those same lines, His actions aren’t hinged upon whether or not you approve of them. Now, take all of this and go back to Job. Look at what God told him when he questioned God’s actions and whether they were right or not. God basically slammed him and told him that he simply could not comprehend what He was doing. God’s actions and existence didn’t depend on whether Job still liked Him or not. God invites us to be a part of what He’s doing, but that does not in any way signal Him turning over the keys. We are the creation, not the creator, and we cannot think that we can grant ourselves that kind of power.

            Now, in discussing all of this, I’m not saying I have the right answer or that I have some new further objective way to prove to non-believers that God does in fact exist. We’re already for the most part staring at the same objective pieces of evidence, we just have that whole different perspective thing going on again. What I am saying is to really consider what you’re saying when you say something along the lines of how you can’t believe in a God who would do x or would allow such and such to happen. At the end of the day, or at the end of your life as it may be, your belief or not in God doesn’t change the fact of His existence or not. I must stress again, as I often do, that it also doesn’t change the consequences of our choice that He so nicely laid out before us. So, when you’re thinking about God and whether or not you believe in Him because of something He may have done, check your arrogance at the door and remember that you’re not in control, He is, and that you will never fully comprehend an infinite God with your finite mind. 

                                                                                                                              Just a thought...

Transformation-My College Experience

       College. The four year paradise. The training session for the real world. The stepping stone to your future. I heard what I just spent the past four years doing called many things while I was doing it but no words can quite sum up the experience. It’s described as a place to find yourself and get a degree so you can go and pursue your dreams, but it’s so much more than that. When my older siblings and others tried to tell me about what they did or were doing in college, I could only grasp at pictures in my imagination. Once I earned my way into UMD and started there in the fall of 09, things became much more clear and incredible beyond my imagination. When I first started there, I had barely ever left St. Mary’s county and had never spent more than a week away from home. I was so lost and confused, surrounded by dozens of other guys on my dorm floor who liked to do wild things, that I barely came out of my room that first semester, other than to go to class and a couple of Navigator events. I honestly didn’t know what in the world I was doing there and if I would make it. Time went along though, and I started to get the hang of it and I branched out to new people. There were a couple of guys from Navs who played a huge role in shaking me from my extremely introverted nature that I had. One of them knocked on my door and invited me to join him and some others four floors down for a bible study they were having. The other was some dude who I randomly got placed into a car with for a hiking trip and we became good buds, and had one of the greatest bromances UMD Navs has ever seen, when he taught me Settlers and I taught him about how MD snow days worked.

       Things really grew from there as I got more and more involved with the Navs and I started to realize what it was I really wanted to study once I discovered the journalism was not for me. I kept on rolling, moving up from being a sophomore and welcoming in a huge new freshman class in Navs to being a junior and really starting to dive into the business school, so much so that I decided to add another major on. I finally hit my senior year where I had some of the worst and best times of my college career, wrapping things up on a high note with my what and why mission, which if you haven’t heard about yet, read my last blog post to read about the experience that impacted my life more than anything else ever has. The thing is, I never would have known what this was like and have had all of the amazing experiences and met all of the new friends I have if I hadn’t done all that I did. Like I said, people try to describe what college is like and you get a whole mix of different answers. As with most things, you don’t know until you try. College just happens to be unique because it’s an environment built to have anything and everything happen, whether it be 4 in the afternoon or 4 in the morning.

       As I start off on this next phase of life, through what I’m sure will be quite the transition, I know that I will have many more wild adventures and a whole lot of learning. I’ve already kicked things off and I’ve learned more stuff in the past couple of weeks working then I had in a long time. Things will certainly look different and my schedule won’t allow as many nights of crashing at 3 am, but I know that this is where I need to be. Whatever comes my way, I know that I have the people I just spent my college years with and the Big Guy himself with me all the way, and that I can have just as much fun if I dive right in and see what the “real world” has to offer a guy from St. Mary’s.

       And remember, this all started with just a thought.

What and Why-My Mission

          For those who haven't heard, I've been on a mission this semester. This mission all started because of some major events that have happened this past year regarding my faith. My faith was put to the test more than ever before which caused me to really dive into why I have the faith that I do. I've come out of that test stronger than ever before and it has led me to challenging others and knowing myself better.

          At the start of this semester, I had two questions on my mind which I didn't think much of then, but I felt them stronger as time went along. I had plans to meet up with many of my friends here at college to wrap up my time before I graduated so these questions fit right in with that and I began asking them when I met with certain individuals on a weekly basis. I got to listen to a variety of responses which was truly enlightening, educational, and helpful for me personally. One of the people I met with even turned the questions back around on me which initially caught me off guard but made me realize that the questions are important for everyone, myself included. As for the questions themselves, they are: What do you Believe and Why do you Believe It?

          The way I see it, at it’s very core, Christianity is black and white. What I mean by this is, God is either real or He’s not, Christ either existed and died for us or He didn’t, and Christianity is either of utmost importance or total nonsense. With that, I believe being able to answer these two questions is very important for 2 reasons. For ourselves, we need a solid foundation for our faith to stand on so that we’re not pulled in any direction by whatever flashy comes along in the “real world”. For others, we’re called to go and share our faith, spreading the gospel, and I don’t believe we can do this very well if we don’t have these questions answered. If we don’t know what we believe and why, how can we share it and expect anyone else to believe it? It’s hypocritical. On top of that, 1 Peter 3:15 states: “And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.” If we don’t know our what and why, how can we explain the hope we have?

          As I said, I got many different responses to these two questions. Among my friends, one said we’re imperfect and we’re here with the spirit as a guide and that they believe because of experiences they’ve had such as injuries. One said everyone needs Christ and we can all know Him and that she believes because everything points to Him. “Love has a source and it’s God” said another. One admitted they were broken, that grace is huge, and that this became much more real in college when they made it their own after being raised with a pastor father. A few guys I talked with said that the Bible is the only thing that explains humanity and shows God and makes sense because it’s raw and real. Another believes we need to be one body and she believes because of the impacts she’s seen through finances, friends, and family. One even said they believe there are ripple effects for actions, positive and negative, and he believes because they really feel God when everything aligns.

          I believe that there is one true all knowing, all powerful, and all present God. I believe He created us in His image, desiring to have a relationship with us that was made out of pure love, meaning chosen out of free will by both/all parties involved, not created by force without choice. I believe we had this perfect relationship with Him until we committed our original sin, thus making us unclean, therefore unable to be in perfect harmony with a perfect and pure God. I believe that God is fully loving yet fully just and was thus caught between not wanting to destroy us because of love and needing some kind of sacrifice to create justice for the rule that was broken. He wanted to restore the relationship with us but the only thing that would make us pure and able to re-enter His presence would be Himself. Nothing else was worthy and pure enough to meet the need. He therefore sent His son Christ to be that sacrifice and to be fully human and fully God in order to understand the highs and lows, trials and triumphs, joys and sufferings that we as humans endure. He took on everything from temptations to frustrations up to the point of being torn to shreds and hung naked until death in order to lay down His life freely for our sakes. Christ went from praised to crucified, having no friends or followers with Him, not even His closest disciples, in a matter of a week. But, as He said He would, he was brought back on the third day, having overcome death and accomplished His ultimate goal that He came to complete. And now, because of all this, we have the bridge back to God built before us, if we choose to cross it.

          The key part of that is that it’s a choice. As with any loving relationship, God wants us to come under our choosing. However, the consequences of our choices are also laid out before us. This is kind of a unique situation because rarely are the consequences laid out so clearly. If we choose to believe that Christ is who He said He was and we commit our lives to following Him, he promises us eternal life with Him. However, if we choose to turn from the truth, meaning from Him, He will allow us to be apart from Him, forever. This is not some harsh cruelty laid unjustly upon us because it’s a choice we make, in this case knowing the result.

          Having said all of this though, I don’t believe we should be choosing God out of fear of negative results. God is not that bare minimum without enjoyment, just as we don’t eat food simply for calories and have friends simply because they provide a variety of benefits. Life is designed to be enjoyed and following God allows us to “have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Doesn’t it make sense that listening to the one who created life would create the best outcome?

          All of this is just my what I believe. Now I guess I should say why. Really, this comes down to a couple reasons. First, I believe this because it all makes sense. If you look at how Christianity is all laid out, everything lines up. The whole Bible, from prophecies to historical accounts, point towards Christ. There is incredible evidence outside of the Bible as well which has really solidified it for me. There are countless questions but the answers are there. Faith isn’t just a feeling, it’s more solid than that and if the facts weren’t there, I don’t know if I would believe it. Of course it makes sense though, why wouldn’t it? God gave us our minds and our sense of reasoning with the intention of us using it. The tricky part comes in however when we’re asked to expand our reasoning and logical understanding. If God is infinite and we’re finite, how can we possibly try to comprehend everything that God does and understand how all of existence works? It’s not like a bypass or a cop-out is trying to be made, we just simply can’t grasp every single thing there is to grasp. We often have a hard time accepting this but ultimately it’s just a fact. It’s like having a hard time accepting that the Earth is round, sorry if that’s hard to accept but it’s still true.

          As for the second reason, I believe because of what I’ve experienced. Something my sister Kaitlin tells me that I have a hard time with is that God is meant to be experienced, He’s not looking for a series of checked boxes. God wants a relationship with us, not a series of accomplishments. Kaitlin is actually a big part of my “experience”, especially because of what I’ve seen happen through her as she’s worked w/ Navs as an EDGE Corps member at Penn State. I see so many others lives being changed and affected because they’re following Christ. One of the biggest times I see this is on spring break trips. I’ve also recently realized that this past year has been a big part of my experience. All of this stuff that’s happened has been the first time I’ve clearly seen God working in my life, which is odd because I don’t normally think that way and associate things with God working in my life. This past year has stretched my faith to the brink and made it stronger than ever before because of all I’ve gone through. But maybe that’s what I needed, something to refine it and define it.

          I’ve actually also been helped in my understanding of faith by a great author named Philip Yancey. Kaitlin gave me a book called Reaching for the Invisible God right around Thanksgiving this past fall and I read it through winter break. This book really helped me because Yancey writes in a very real manner, not afraid to go after any issues. Basically the book really goes into what being a Christian is really like and what to expect instead of the puffed up sugar coated silliness that can often be portrayed. This was really impactful for me because I’ve had a lot of the same questions others had and finding out the answers was the only thing that was going to satisfy me. That’s not to say I’m done learning, I’ve just gained a better understanding of why it all makes sense.

          Yancey has answers to the other questions too and my favorite part if when he references C.S. Lewis and an analogy he once made. Lewis talks about a beam of light in a dark shed and how he first looked at the beam and the particles of dust in it and what the light is made up of. He then looked along the beam and saw the shed’s window, leaves on a tree outside, and the sun far away. The point here is that it’s really a matter of perspective. The reason and logic and details are all there, we just have to be able to see what they’re making, like the pieces of a mosaic making up a picture. When you listen to a song from your computer, it’s really just data written on your hard drive being played, after it’s read, through speakers that make sound waves that travel through the air, hit your ears where tiny bones interpret the waves and transmit them to your brain where it’s made into a recognizable tune. But we don’t often think of it as all of this, we just hum and dance to the music and enjoy it. I’m learning more and more that God is like this in that of course the details are all there but you don’t enjoy it and have a relationship built off of them.

          Luke 9:18-20 states: “One day Jesus left the crowds to pray alone. Only his disciples were with him, and he asked them, “Who do people say I am?” “Well,” they replied, “some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, and others say you are one of the other ancient prophets risen from the dead.” Then he asked them, “But who do you say I am?”Peter replied, “You are the Messiah sent from God!”

          So now it’s your turn. I’m turning the questions over to all of you. You may not have thought much about this and you may not have the most sophisticated answer but that’s ok, that’s what makes it raw and real, and when you run into people who ask you about your faith, you won’t be able to tell them you’ll send them a written statement in a couple days. Remember, these questions are critical and having answers for them will bolster your faith and prepare you for whatever and whoever comes your way.

          Thank you all for taking the time to read this long post about the mission I've been on during my final semester of college. It is one that I have felt more strongly about than anything else in my life and it continues to guide me. I hope this has at least a fraction of the impact on you as it has had on me.So, feel free to let me know what you think and comment your what and why. Remember also, that this all started as just a thought.