Experience: Life's Greatest Teacher

      (Small Moments: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z1pi1boiqo&noredirect=1)

     There's just nothing like it. Time and time again it proves to be invaluable, often more so than anything else. Someone tells you all about a big event in great detail...but you still can't fully comprehend what happened. You look at a picture of a huge moment in time...but you still don't feel the strong emotional attachment. You've read all about it in books...but you still don't have the memories and knowledge that you would have, had you actually been there. What's the missing link that pulls everything together, from our personal lives to our professional, from our friendships to our enemies, and even our huge failures to our greatest triumphs? Experience.

     One of the biggest ways that experience makes itself known and needed is when you're applying for a job. You can read all kinds of job descriptions and apply all you want, but more often than not, if you don't meet the required experience level that those hiring are looking for, you won't even get a call. College degrees are great, even more so with advanced degrees in specialized fields, but if you have eight years of education while someone else has eight years of direct experience, guess who looks more valuable to employers? The reason for this is that experience simply can't be beaten. When you are working in a position, really living it day in and day out, you get the full learning that touches on every sense and stimulates your mind in a way that lectures and textbooks can't. So many things that happen on the job are things that are unforeseen and the reactions to these events all depend on the situation and the human dynamics happening at the time. In my recent position I learned more in the four months that I was there than I did from an entire year of college education. The pace and relevance of everything I learned was incredible. Most employers today need their employees to be up to date and on top of everything that's going on in their industry and the greatest way to do this is by living what's happening on a daily basis.

     Experience doesn't stop in the workplace however and it's not just a check mark on a job application. The greatest experiences we have are in our personal lives. Whether you're experiencing ecstasy or symptoms of depression, everyone experiences life differently at different times and our experiences are constantly changing. One of the most notable examples of how experience makes a difference is when someone tells you about a great event or a great trip they had. You can see the pictures, hear the stories, watch the videos, and even see the expressions on the faces of those who were there, but you just can't fully grasp and understand it fully unless you experience it for yourself. I believe one of the major reasons for this is because we all take things in and interpret them differently. If you're someone who loves the beach and you took me with you on a beach vacation, we would probably have a different experience and remember it differently. You would probably have a great time and feel relaxed while I would wonder what we were doing there and ask when the real fun starts. Either way, we would still understand what happened better and feel more emotion associated with the trip than someone we shared stories with when we got back. The experience, good or bad, still has more impact than no experience at all.

     I believe the deepest type of experience we can have though is the experience we have in relating to other people. Entire relationships, dreams, and even lives are built off of our interactions with others and the overall experience we have with them. It's said that first impressions are the most important but I believe it's also important to look beyond this and really get to know someone before casting any judgement or feeling like you understand them. The experiences you have with another person are the building blocks in any relationship, be it friendship or a romantic one. You learn so much through spending time with another person that you could never understand through that person being described. With this, I believe it's also important to experience what another person is like in a variety of settings. If you only spend time with a person when they're in a happy mood or at a party like event, you don't really get the full picture. It takes the experience of interacting with someone through their triumphs and trials, being able to see them struggle and overcome, in order to really learn who they are. One of the stories my dad has told me about when he was dating my mom was that he spent some time working with her hand in hand on different projects so that he could learn what it was like to be around her in a more typical day kind of setting. If you think you know someone without having experienced at least a sample of what life has to offer with them, you've missed an important teaching lesson.

     Overall, I believe that experience is not just a teacher but the core of life itself. Life is worth living because of the wide variety of experiences that we have, with so many of them being unplanned and maybe even the opposite of what we expected. The interesting thing to think about is how others experiences in their own lives are what led you to the experiences that you've had in your own life and even the opportunity to have them.  As a good friend of mine recently said, "Our time is not infinite here on these grounds, enjoy those little moments like: weddings, first days of school, holidays, small victories, helping others and loving each other." That's really what life is in a sense, a series of experiences that everyone has that make a whole picture when put together. It's no surprise then that experience, is in fact, life's greatest teacher.

Just a thought.

Didn't see that coming: Finding your "fit"

     It never ceases to amaze me. We can have everything planned out, think we know what we're doing, and then watch it all fall apart and not go according to plan at all. We couldn't have predicted that, it just happened once we broke our plans out of the vacuum and introduced them to reality. Factors beyond our control get thrown into the mix and people react in ways we never expected. Often times we get to a point where we wonder why we planned anything at all and think we just wasted a lot of time and effort towards something that didn't come to fruition. Sure it was a learning experience, as all things are, but was anything actually accomplished?

     Recently, I've discovered for myself many of the hard truths of life after college that many can talk about but you can't really understand until you experience it for yourself. Suddenly you become entirely independent, which can be great but is also very daunting, overwhelming, and often lonely. No longer is there a clear cut path of sorts, no more 4 year plan, no more rubrics and grades to show you what to do and how to do it well. Just when you thought you were an adult now and were starting to have things figured out at the top of the pile, you get dropped to the bottom and learn quickly just how much you don't know. I feel part of this pressure comes from society and the way our "way of life" or "American dream" is structured. You get your degree, get a job, get a car, get a house, have kids, save for your retirement, and live happily ever after. The layout is a nice neat plan of sorts, a list that you can check things off of so that you feel accomplished and know that you've "arrived"...somewhere. But that's just it. Where are you "arriving" at? A place of safety? Comfort? Peace? Life isn't that simple and our desires may not match those societal norms. If we're in a place such as America, our lives are largely ours to control and, although it's cliche, if we set our minds on something, we can probably find a way to get there, granted it's not something impossible like flapping your arms until you fly.

     An important thing I've been learning is that it's not enough to just have a job that pays a large salary or be in a good location. Success and desire most often come from having a passion about what it is that you're doing. Take this blog for example; I'm not being paid to write this, I'm doing it because I have a passion for writing my deep introspective thoughts and sharing them with others so that you the readers reflect on what you're reading and consider these things for yourselves. As humans we are experiential creatures that thrive not off of logic but off of joy and passion in whatever it is that we're doing. It's been shown time and time again that big bucks, lots of stuff, and fame can cause depression and a deep feeling of emptiness if we aren't enjoying it and sharing it with others. That's why I believe, as I'm discovering, that it's critical to find your "fit", be it with a job, a place, or even a lifestyle that you're actually excited to get up for in the morning and can't wait to get more of. One of the complaints that many older people have about my generation, the millennials, is that we want a gold star on everything and expect to be CEO right out of college. While not everyone may not be on that power trip, many have the desire to actually get a sense of enjoyment out of what they're doing. It's silly and impractical to expect a dream job from the start, but in order to thrive, you still need some kind of joy motivating you to grow, not just a paycheck and a lot of learning about something that you may not actually be interested in learning about. This sense of fit not only comes from the new shiny entry level job environment, but also from your life outside of work and the time you spend doing other things with other people. If you don't really have a good fit in your workplace, your living place, or your social community, you start spinning round and round to look to one of these places to provide satisfaction and if none work, that spinning starts going in a negative and downward spiraling direction.

     Another trait of my generation is that we rarely stay in one place for a long period of time. We want to keep trying things and seeing what we like in order to find our fit. When we're in college, we have to declare a major and complete the requirements associated with that major in order to graduate and earn our degree. The thing is, at that point in our lives, we don't have that much experience actually doing real jobs and finding out what works for us and what doesn't. There are so many people that get their degree in something and then go actually do something completely different. This fascinates me because it seems so odd that our system is set up that way, where we're really just showing that we can earn a degree and then we can figure out what we really want to learn about and spend our time doing. Granted, college is a place where we learn much more outside of the classroom than we do in it. Regardless, my generation has been told we can be anything we want to be and do anything we want to do and with that in mind driving us, we're not going to stay with one job or in one place until we find what we want. We're used to instant gratification and things moving rapidly in all aspects of our lives, so we want to rapidly find our fit wherever that may be.

     One of the things that continues to challenge me is that there are many instances where you have to go with what you've got and you get caught off guard by an unexpected reaction or turn of events. In finding your fit, you may find yourself doing something you never expected, saying that you didn't see that coming. The same goes for conversations and interactions you have with others, no matter how close you think you are to them. You may have plans for what you want to talk about and things you want to do, all to have the fact that you even had those plans hinder your conversation and damage your relationship. The remarkable thing is, you can't really realize how wrong you are or how big of a mistake you may be making until you're in it or after the fact because again, you didn't see that coming. Having relationships with others require finding and maintaining your fit with them as well.


     Overall, it seems like life is always going to be full of curve balls and require continuous effort towards trying to find your passion and achieve your goals. There will be many times where you won't see something coming and your fit may seem like something you'll never find because you don't even know what you want or how to know what you want. But, the important thing is to keep playing ball and interacting with others because only once you pop your individual bubble will you be able to find your fit in a non-bubble world. It won't come easy and it won't come quick but the best things in life never seem to and it'll have all been worth it once you find your fit, or at least so I've heard. Remember, finding your fit has to start somewhere, so you might as well start with just a thought.

Circumstances and Control

              We all do it, some more than others. We have plans, hopes, dreams, ideas, and goals that guide us from where we are now to where we want to be at some point in the future. Funny thing is, we don’t realize just how little control we have over actually accomplishing these things until something comes along and throws us off course. In fact, we have so little control over our own lives and circumstances it’s amazing we can function without becoming overwhelmed to the point of mental shutdown. I guess it’s just something we never really focus on, kind of like an elephant in the room that we just go around in order to do what it is we want to do.

               A bold and complex concept such as this one of course comes with its complications. I’m not saying you have no say in your life or that you shouldn’t have those plans, goals, etc. that I mentioned above. In fact, that would normally be a horrible way of thinking because it can lead to laziness, self-defeat, and an overall apathetic outlook on life. The saying goes that if you want something go out and get it, or at least something along those lines. It can require a mix of determination, will, and strength of mind and body to even get up in the morning, but we need these things in order to face whatever comes at us that day. But, therein lies my point of this post. Daily we face whatever comes at us.

Let’s say that one night there was a thunderstorm that made your electric flicker long enough for your clocks to be reset. You woke up that morning later than usual because your alarm never went off due to the clock reset. This caused you to leave twenty minutes later than normal which lead to you being caught in a major traffic jam that you wouldn’t have run into if you had left when you normally do. You eventually make it in to work but you missed a big meeting in which you were supposed to give a presentation. You explain to your boss what happened and he seems to understand, but underneath he’s irritated and thinks you’re just giving him an excuse for having hit the snooze bar too many times. When the opportunity comes for you to be promoted a week later, your boss considers you but remembers that day you were late and missed the meeting due to a “traffic jam”. So, he decides to give the promotion to someone who is more “responsible”, someone he feels is more suited for the position. Initially you’re disappointed, but this decision has huge ripple effects. Because you weren’t promoted, your career doesn’t advance as fast as you wanted it to. On top of that, you weren’t in the position to meet someone who would have been a great mentor and friend, someone who would have changed your outlook on life and maybe even those plans and dreams you have. The amount of hypothetical ripple effects could go on and on, but hopefully you’re starting to see my point. Was it within your control for that original thunderstorm to have happened while you were sleeping which lead to everything else? Maybe you were too reliant on that alarm clock and you could have had more “control” if you had gotten enough sleep to wake up naturally without it. The list of things that were in your control or weren’t could go on and on.

If you think about it, the amount of your life that’s actually within your control is rather small. If you put it into some kind of pie chart, I bet your slice would be about the size of a normal slice of pie while outside events and circumstances gets to chow down on the rest. You had no control over when you were born. You had no control over the country you were born into. You had no control over the race or gender that you are. Beyond all of this, you had no control over what the implications of all of these things mean. Maybe you wish you were born back in colonial times, seeing the country you live in today being formed around you. Maybe you’ve endured a large amount of suffering or trauma in your life simply because of the color of your skin or because you’re a chick instead of a dude. Whatever the case may be, it’s not really something we should dwell on in terms of trying to change what has already happened. The challenge is to try and overcome the circumstances you’re in and work with the control you’ve got to try and make things the way you want them to be, despite the fact that someone thought you were on a diet when they were cutting the control pie chart.

Now I’m going to take things to the next level a little bit. It’s often said that God is all powerful and “in control”. For Christians, there’s also the notion of surrendering control of your life to Christ. Now the question is, how does this really work? Is it down to an action by action level, meaning if I decided to wave hello to you, was that God in control making me do that? Or is it more of an overarching thing where different things in our lives work together for His plans in a way we can’t understand? The trick with that one though is that all of our individual actions add up to the bigger picture of our lives, as I talked about earlier. With all of this, I come to the same conclusion. There are countless things both inside and outside of our control and we can’t draw any kind of line as to where God’s “control” stops and ours begins, if that’s even how that works. That being the case, I try not to focus on it too much because it’s the kind of thing where you can loop around and around into perpetuity, never hitting any kind of central answer. If you want my thoughts on a similar topic, read my last post. Supposedly God has us in the circumstances that we’re in for a reason and we have to act out of that. Now, that doesn’t mean you can’t complain or praise God for whatever situation you’re in or for the control you feel you have versus what you think you should have. But, good luck ever coming to any hard conclusions and join the rest of us questioning the same thing.

Overall, I guess my point is that we have to keep perspective on this whole matter. If we think we’re fully in control of our lives, we get knocked down pretty quickly when we walk outside and realize we don’t live in individual vacuums. If we think we have no control, motivation and progress are lost rapidly. Our circumstances and the control we have are usually the result of millennia of years of events from before we even existed. So, when you set a goal or start thinking about where you want to be in five years, remember how little control you have, work with the circumstances you’re in, and keep in mind that there are billions of others doing the same thing constantly around the world and their plans may not mesh with yours. Your life will never go according to plan but I guess that’s why it’s called a messy adventure.

Just a thought…

Human Arrogance

            It’s a part of human nature but it never ceases to amaze me. Throughout our lives there are many instances where we like to think we’re in charge. We feel like we can control our lives and that we’re at the top of the food chain, so much so that reality itself is contingent upon our decisions. Our lives are often guided by this arrogance as are our entire mindsets, despite the fact that we’re often shown how little control we really have. Never the less, we work our way back to thinking that our actions and decisions are the final say in countless areas.

           

            The biggest, and perhaps most critical, area where this ugly superiority complex rears its head is when it comes to God and our interactions with Him. When we take a look at Job, one of the oldest yet I believe to be most powerful books in the Bible, we see this problem display itself clearly. In this book, Job goes from having it all to losing everything from family to fortune, all in an incredibly short period of time. The whole thing leaves him reeling and the majority of the book is a long debate that Job has with a few buddies over why he just lost everything and what he can do to fix it, as shown in Job 22:6-11 for example: “you must have lent money to your friend and demanded clothing as security. Yes, you stripped him to the bone. ⁷ You must have refused water for the thirsty and food for the hungry. ⁸ You probably think the land belongs to the powerful and only the privileged have a right to it! ⁹ You must have sent widows away empty-handed and crushed the hopes of orphans. ¹⁰ That is why you are surrounded by traps and tremble from sudden fears. ¹¹ That is why you cannot see in the darkness, and waves of water cover you.” The whole thing is quite remarkable as they go around and around thinking that they know God and why He has let things happen the way they have. Finally, Elihu, a younger guy who has been sitting there listening to the others go on and on takes a stand and essentially tells them how ignorant they all are, such as in Job 35:6-8: “If you sin, how does that affect him? If your sins are many, what does that do to him? ⁷ If you are righteous, what do you give to him, or what does he receive from your hand? ⁸ Your wickedness only affects humans like yourself, and your righteousness only other people.” Then, God comes in and lays down the law big time on Job, starting in Job 38:2-3: “Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.” God is even sarcastic throughout His rant and shows Job just how incredibly oblivious he really is, starting in Job 38:4-5: ““Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. ⁵ Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!” (which makes me think of the Wonka meme btw, had to make one: http://memegenerator.co/instance/39599244) There are a couple times throughout this tirade by God that Job tries to withdraw himself and say that he’s just going to shut up now but God isn’t finished with him yet. In the end, Job has what he lost and then some restored to him by God and he’s able to go on knowing now just how little he really knows.

            

            The reason I enjoy this book so much is because it’s still very applicable today. We can see all over instances where people assign things or events that happen to God, good and bad, and then we say what they mean or what has to happen because of it. In fact, often times we even take it a step further and use these things or events to determine our faith and decide whether or not we even believe in God’s existence. Our faiths, beliefs, and opinions change so rapidly and are so fickle, it’s astounding that we’re even able to function and hold a well-reasoned conversation or debate. For example, say you found ten bucks on the ground one day and you used it to treat a friend to lunch or maybe you put it in the offering plate at church. Must have been a blessing from God who is all loving and wanted to show His love by leading you to finding that ten bucks. Or maybe the opposite, maybe there was a plane crash or a school shooting which had dozens of casualties, so now we have to question whether a loving God really exists because He let these things happen….wait, what? Since when can we assign what we call good or bad things or events to God in such a way that either has us praising Him or questioning His existence? Say that ten bucks you found belonged to someone who really needed it but accidentally dropped it and now they’re going hungry for the night while you’re out spending it. Or maybe that plane crash or school shooting leads to a lot of people coming to Christ or a whole slew of new regulations that prevent such things from happening again. Well now what? That thing that was a “blessing” was bad for the other guy because he started questioning God’s existence and ultimately left the faith, all over the notion that a loving God would never let him lose that ten bucks and go hungry. And that horrific event that had you questioning a loving God’s existence was a great thing for dozens of others because they came to know Christ. My point of this is that it’s a matter of perspective from our human standpoint and we really have no clue what God was doing here one way or another. We quickly like to come out and announce that something was a blessing or a curse though and declare that we know what God was doing in whatever the situation may be, even though we really have no clue.

            

            Let’s take this a step further and apply it to certain things that happened that are talked about in the Bible. For example, in a recent discussion I was in, people were discussing God’s good-ness and talking about the tenth plague in Egypt when the firstborn children are killed. In regards to this story, one said that they didn’t think they could believe in a loving God who allowed this to happen or even was the reason for it happening. Points were made back and forth all over, but the one I kept stressing was that it didn’t entirely matter. What I mean by this is, sure our own personal faiths and relationships with God are something that we for the most part control, but our decisions regarding belief in God doesn’t affect His existence. Our personal belief in an all loving, all powerful, etc. God doesn’t change the objective fact of His existence or non-existence. It’s hard to draw a direct comparison, but that’s like saying you believed in the sun and thought it could only do “good” things but then you got sunburn so now you choose not to believe in it. There are many flaws in this comparison, I know, but my point is not the details of the comparison but the fact that the sun’s existence/non-existence doesn’t hinge on your belief in it. Its existence is an objective thing that doesn’t change based on how we’re feeling that day. Same thing goes with God; his existence isn’t hinged upon whether or not you believe in Him. Along those same lines, His actions aren’t hinged upon whether or not you approve of them. Now, take all of this and go back to Job. Look at what God told him when he questioned God’s actions and whether they were right or not. God basically slammed him and told him that he simply could not comprehend what He was doing. God’s actions and existence didn’t depend on whether Job still liked Him or not. God invites us to be a part of what He’s doing, but that does not in any way signal Him turning over the keys. We are the creation, not the creator, and we cannot think that we can grant ourselves that kind of power.

            Now, in discussing all of this, I’m not saying I have the right answer or that I have some new further objective way to prove to non-believers that God does in fact exist. We’re already for the most part staring at the same objective pieces of evidence, we just have that whole different perspective thing going on again. What I am saying is to really consider what you’re saying when you say something along the lines of how you can’t believe in a God who would do x or would allow such and such to happen. At the end of the day, or at the end of your life as it may be, your belief or not in God doesn’t change the fact of His existence or not. I must stress again, as I often do, that it also doesn’t change the consequences of our choice that He so nicely laid out before us. So, when you’re thinking about God and whether or not you believe in Him because of something He may have done, check your arrogance at the door and remember that you’re not in control, He is, and that you will never fully comprehend an infinite God with your finite mind. 

                                                                                                                              Just a thought...

Transformation-My College Experience

       College. The four year paradise. The training session for the real world. The stepping stone to your future. I heard what I just spent the past four years doing called many things while I was doing it but no words can quite sum up the experience. It’s described as a place to find yourself and get a degree so you can go and pursue your dreams, but it’s so much more than that. When my older siblings and others tried to tell me about what they did or were doing in college, I could only grasp at pictures in my imagination. Once I earned my way into UMD and started there in the fall of 09, things became much more clear and incredible beyond my imagination. When I first started there, I had barely ever left St. Mary’s county and had never spent more than a week away from home. I was so lost and confused, surrounded by dozens of other guys on my dorm floor who liked to do wild things, that I barely came out of my room that first semester, other than to go to class and a couple of Navigator events. I honestly didn’t know what in the world I was doing there and if I would make it. Time went along though, and I started to get the hang of it and I branched out to new people. There were a couple of guys from Navs who played a huge role in shaking me from my extremely introverted nature that I had. One of them knocked on my door and invited me to join him and some others four floors down for a bible study they were having. The other was some dude who I randomly got placed into a car with for a hiking trip and we became good buds, and had one of the greatest bromances UMD Navs has ever seen, when he taught me Settlers and I taught him about how MD snow days worked.

       Things really grew from there as I got more and more involved with the Navs and I started to realize what it was I really wanted to study once I discovered the journalism was not for me. I kept on rolling, moving up from being a sophomore and welcoming in a huge new freshman class in Navs to being a junior and really starting to dive into the business school, so much so that I decided to add another major on. I finally hit my senior year where I had some of the worst and best times of my college career, wrapping things up on a high note with my what and why mission, which if you haven’t heard about yet, read my last blog post to read about the experience that impacted my life more than anything else ever has. The thing is, I never would have known what this was like and have had all of the amazing experiences and met all of the new friends I have if I hadn’t done all that I did. Like I said, people try to describe what college is like and you get a whole mix of different answers. As with most things, you don’t know until you try. College just happens to be unique because it’s an environment built to have anything and everything happen, whether it be 4 in the afternoon or 4 in the morning.

       As I start off on this next phase of life, through what I’m sure will be quite the transition, I know that I will have many more wild adventures and a whole lot of learning. I’ve already kicked things off and I’ve learned more stuff in the past couple of weeks working then I had in a long time. Things will certainly look different and my schedule won’t allow as many nights of crashing at 3 am, but I know that this is where I need to be. Whatever comes my way, I know that I have the people I just spent my college years with and the Big Guy himself with me all the way, and that I can have just as much fun if I dive right in and see what the “real world” has to offer a guy from St. Mary’s.

       And remember, this all started with just a thought.

What and Why-My Mission

          For those who haven't heard, I've been on a mission this semester. This mission all started because of some major events that have happened this past year regarding my faith. My faith was put to the test more than ever before which caused me to really dive into why I have the faith that I do. I've come out of that test stronger than ever before and it has led me to challenging others and knowing myself better.

          At the start of this semester, I had two questions on my mind which I didn't think much of then, but I felt them stronger as time went along. I had plans to meet up with many of my friends here at college to wrap up my time before I graduated so these questions fit right in with that and I began asking them when I met with certain individuals on a weekly basis. I got to listen to a variety of responses which was truly enlightening, educational, and helpful for me personally. One of the people I met with even turned the questions back around on me which initially caught me off guard but made me realize that the questions are important for everyone, myself included. As for the questions themselves, they are: What do you Believe and Why do you Believe It?

          The way I see it, at it’s very core, Christianity is black and white. What I mean by this is, God is either real or He’s not, Christ either existed and died for us or He didn’t, and Christianity is either of utmost importance or total nonsense. With that, I believe being able to answer these two questions is very important for 2 reasons. For ourselves, we need a solid foundation for our faith to stand on so that we’re not pulled in any direction by whatever flashy comes along in the “real world”. For others, we’re called to go and share our faith, spreading the gospel, and I don’t believe we can do this very well if we don’t have these questions answered. If we don’t know what we believe and why, how can we share it and expect anyone else to believe it? It’s hypocritical. On top of that, 1 Peter 3:15 states: “And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it.” If we don’t know our what and why, how can we explain the hope we have?

          As I said, I got many different responses to these two questions. Among my friends, one said we’re imperfect and we’re here with the spirit as a guide and that they believe because of experiences they’ve had such as injuries. One said everyone needs Christ and we can all know Him and that she believes because everything points to Him. “Love has a source and it’s God” said another. One admitted they were broken, that grace is huge, and that this became much more real in college when they made it their own after being raised with a pastor father. A few guys I talked with said that the Bible is the only thing that explains humanity and shows God and makes sense because it’s raw and real. Another believes we need to be one body and she believes because of the impacts she’s seen through finances, friends, and family. One even said they believe there are ripple effects for actions, positive and negative, and he believes because they really feel God when everything aligns.

          I believe that there is one true all knowing, all powerful, and all present God. I believe He created us in His image, desiring to have a relationship with us that was made out of pure love, meaning chosen out of free will by both/all parties involved, not created by force without choice. I believe we had this perfect relationship with Him until we committed our original sin, thus making us unclean, therefore unable to be in perfect harmony with a perfect and pure God. I believe that God is fully loving yet fully just and was thus caught between not wanting to destroy us because of love and needing some kind of sacrifice to create justice for the rule that was broken. He wanted to restore the relationship with us but the only thing that would make us pure and able to re-enter His presence would be Himself. Nothing else was worthy and pure enough to meet the need. He therefore sent His son Christ to be that sacrifice and to be fully human and fully God in order to understand the highs and lows, trials and triumphs, joys and sufferings that we as humans endure. He took on everything from temptations to frustrations up to the point of being torn to shreds and hung naked until death in order to lay down His life freely for our sakes. Christ went from praised to crucified, having no friends or followers with Him, not even His closest disciples, in a matter of a week. But, as He said He would, he was brought back on the third day, having overcome death and accomplished His ultimate goal that He came to complete. And now, because of all this, we have the bridge back to God built before us, if we choose to cross it.

          The key part of that is that it’s a choice. As with any loving relationship, God wants us to come under our choosing. However, the consequences of our choices are also laid out before us. This is kind of a unique situation because rarely are the consequences laid out so clearly. If we choose to believe that Christ is who He said He was and we commit our lives to following Him, he promises us eternal life with Him. However, if we choose to turn from the truth, meaning from Him, He will allow us to be apart from Him, forever. This is not some harsh cruelty laid unjustly upon us because it’s a choice we make, in this case knowing the result.

          Having said all of this though, I don’t believe we should be choosing God out of fear of negative results. God is not that bare minimum without enjoyment, just as we don’t eat food simply for calories and have friends simply because they provide a variety of benefits. Life is designed to be enjoyed and following God allows us to “have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Doesn’t it make sense that listening to the one who created life would create the best outcome?

          All of this is just my what I believe. Now I guess I should say why. Really, this comes down to a couple reasons. First, I believe this because it all makes sense. If you look at how Christianity is all laid out, everything lines up. The whole Bible, from prophecies to historical accounts, point towards Christ. There is incredible evidence outside of the Bible as well which has really solidified it for me. There are countless questions but the answers are there. Faith isn’t just a feeling, it’s more solid than that and if the facts weren’t there, I don’t know if I would believe it. Of course it makes sense though, why wouldn’t it? God gave us our minds and our sense of reasoning with the intention of us using it. The tricky part comes in however when we’re asked to expand our reasoning and logical understanding. If God is infinite and we’re finite, how can we possibly try to comprehend everything that God does and understand how all of existence works? It’s not like a bypass or a cop-out is trying to be made, we just simply can’t grasp every single thing there is to grasp. We often have a hard time accepting this but ultimately it’s just a fact. It’s like having a hard time accepting that the Earth is round, sorry if that’s hard to accept but it’s still true.

          As for the second reason, I believe because of what I’ve experienced. Something my sister Kaitlin tells me that I have a hard time with is that God is meant to be experienced, He’s not looking for a series of checked boxes. God wants a relationship with us, not a series of accomplishments. Kaitlin is actually a big part of my “experience”, especially because of what I’ve seen happen through her as she’s worked w/ Navs as an EDGE Corps member at Penn State. I see so many others lives being changed and affected because they’re following Christ. One of the biggest times I see this is on spring break trips. I’ve also recently realized that this past year has been a big part of my experience. All of this stuff that’s happened has been the first time I’ve clearly seen God working in my life, which is odd because I don’t normally think that way and associate things with God working in my life. This past year has stretched my faith to the brink and made it stronger than ever before because of all I’ve gone through. But maybe that’s what I needed, something to refine it and define it.

          I’ve actually also been helped in my understanding of faith by a great author named Philip Yancey. Kaitlin gave me a book called Reaching for the Invisible God right around Thanksgiving this past fall and I read it through winter break. This book really helped me because Yancey writes in a very real manner, not afraid to go after any issues. Basically the book really goes into what being a Christian is really like and what to expect instead of the puffed up sugar coated silliness that can often be portrayed. This was really impactful for me because I’ve had a lot of the same questions others had and finding out the answers was the only thing that was going to satisfy me. That’s not to say I’m done learning, I’ve just gained a better understanding of why it all makes sense.

          Yancey has answers to the other questions too and my favorite part if when he references C.S. Lewis and an analogy he once made. Lewis talks about a beam of light in a dark shed and how he first looked at the beam and the particles of dust in it and what the light is made up of. He then looked along the beam and saw the shed’s window, leaves on a tree outside, and the sun far away. The point here is that it’s really a matter of perspective. The reason and logic and details are all there, we just have to be able to see what they’re making, like the pieces of a mosaic making up a picture. When you listen to a song from your computer, it’s really just data written on your hard drive being played, after it’s read, through speakers that make sound waves that travel through the air, hit your ears where tiny bones interpret the waves and transmit them to your brain where it’s made into a recognizable tune. But we don’t often think of it as all of this, we just hum and dance to the music and enjoy it. I’m learning more and more that God is like this in that of course the details are all there but you don’t enjoy it and have a relationship built off of them.

          Luke 9:18-20 states: “One day Jesus left the crowds to pray alone. Only his disciples were with him, and he asked them, “Who do people say I am?” “Well,” they replied, “some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, and others say you are one of the other ancient prophets risen from the dead.” Then he asked them, “But who do you say I am?”Peter replied, “You are the Messiah sent from God!”

          So now it’s your turn. I’m turning the questions over to all of you. You may not have thought much about this and you may not have the most sophisticated answer but that’s ok, that’s what makes it raw and real, and when you run into people who ask you about your faith, you won’t be able to tell them you’ll send them a written statement in a couple days. Remember, these questions are critical and having answers for them will bolster your faith and prepare you for whatever and whoever comes your way.

          Thank you all for taking the time to read this long post about the mission I've been on during my final semester of college. It is one that I have felt more strongly about than anything else in my life and it continues to guide me. I hope this has at least a fraction of the impact on you as it has had on me.So, feel free to let me know what you think and comment your what and why. Remember also, that this all started as just a thought.

Thinking Differently

     It seems so logical. It makes so much sense. It's so obviously clear. But if that's the case, why is there disagreement? Why does someone think it's wrong? Why does someone else have a different answer, a different reason or not even understand what it is that you're talking about? Something I've been realizing more and more lately is that people's minds work differently and we think in different ways. This is something that's incredibly difficult to overcome though, at least in my opinion, because it can leave us at somewhat of a stalemate with another person. We hit a wall that can't really be overcome because we simply cannot get ourselves to think in the same way the other person does, so we can't move forward. We see the results of this all the time in our personal lives, in our political system, in our workplaces, and really wherever we go.

      Now, I realize I'm not alone in having discovered this. The best response we can often come up with is compromise. Without that, we're left either continuously running into the wall or we give up and abandon the whole situation. But what if it's something that can't be compromised? What if it's a fact that can't change because it simply is what it is? If they don't want to see the truth in front of them, you're pretty much left helpless. But what if that's not ok? What if you care too much for that to be acceptable? You're still stuck unable to overcome it, at least on your own, because you're simply not thinking the same way they are. I think this is one of the harshest realities I keep having to face.

     It's amazing how different people are in terms of how they act, what they prioritize, and how they choose to spend their time. There are some things that I believe to be so basic that others don't even seem to care about. Living in an apartment full of other guys, this becomes readily apparent. Even among roommates, trying to get the other to understand your thought process is always a challenge. Something you may see as ignoring a responsibility, they may not even realize is an issue

     I think the hardest thing is that we have to keep going regardless of whether others see what we do or not. In a way it's almost like we have to ignore it and move on. But it still sits there like an elephant in the room, being unmovable and something all parties involved know is there. Then again, this is what creates the excitement, innovation, and overall world we have today. Without people thinking differently, we wouldn't have a need for all of the majors there are in college, for example. We wouldn't have the variety of cultures, technologies, and societies that we do. The world we live in is built on the fact that different people act and think in different ways.

     Politics is a huge area of conflict for this reason. We each have our opinions, things we support, things we're against, and some kind of ideology we follow. We choose who we want to represent us based on these things and when someone else isn't supporting or against the same things that we are, problems arise. How is it they don't see how big of an issue environmental protection is, for example. Don't they see how beneficial it would be to cut certain areas and give more funding towards others? Are they aiming for the long term or just the here and now? What are they thinking?

    Another classic area for this is the different thought processes between men and women. A guy make think something is funny or looks great while the lady next to him thinks the same thing is horrible. A woman may think that spending the day in the mall is great while a man can't wait to find the exit. None of this is meant to label guys and girls under the normal stereotypes though, because a guy could enjoy being in a mall while a girl thinks it's a bore just the same. So even within that, our thoughts about a norm or the way one gender thinks versus the other could be totally flipped at any given moment. Looking at a successful marriage is probably the best place to see this occurring and I would venture to say that most successful marriages are successful because the man and woman realize that they do think differently but they're willing to work together to overcome it and live with it.

     The biggest area of contention that I keep facing with this though is with religion. I am a Christian, but the only thing I know for certain is the very core meaning that God exists, that Christ existed and came to die and save us from our sins. Beyond that everyone seems to have their own opinion and thoughts regarding beliefs, and I'm talking about within Christianity itself. Some seem to think that things such as a snow storm happening or a the winning of a sporting event or the loss of a job are because God made it happen. To me, I can see that but more in the sense of God sustains existence which allows cold fronts to occur and cause snow storms, people to create game plans and train in order to win games, and the economy is poor which has led to cuts needing to be made and executives deciding that's the best way to do it as a part of their business strategy. But we're both talking about the same God and you can't have and not have direct intervention at the same time, so how is that possible? Things get even wilder if you branch outside of Christianity and see that there are so many people believing so many different things, or even lacking beliefs. The problem is that we can't all be right, it's just not possible. God either exists or He doesn't. Christ either came and died to save us from our sins or the whole thing is utter nonsense. Christ is either the one way or He's not. You can't have it both ways, there is no middle ground here and yet some people think there is. We keep going through our daily lives with people all around us thinking totally different things and having totally different beliefs, knowing that someone has to be wrong. But the real question is, who? And if we're right when the others are wrong, how is that not our top pursuit, especially when it comes to this big of an issue?

     The thing is, we live our lives knowing that others think and act differently than us, but we don't really acknowledge it. There's a wall staring us in the face in so many situations but we can't overcome it, so we try to go around it. It ultimately leads to this point of acceptance, realizing that we're all different people that think in different ways. You can have all the facts and truth you want but if someone isn't willing to accept it, what is it worth? Our ways of thinking are always being challenged and changed. For me it's wild to think that my thoughts right now regarding my future will be totally different when I actually get wherever I'm going. Right now they seem so real and they seem to matter, yet in a short time they will seem like nonsense. Situations I was in just a short time ago I could have never thought about the possibility of leading to where they have. Most of the time this happens because someone else wasn't thinking the same way you were and this had an impact on you. So how do we reconcile this? How do we live our lives having something we know to be true when so many others don't think so? I guess overall it's a part of life, something that will never change. But that doesn't do much in terms of settling the conflict, we just have to not think about it, accept it, or drive ourselves nuts trying to resolve it. For now, I leave you with a challenge. When you face someone who thinks, says, or does something that you know isn't right, just remember that they may not be wrong, they're just thinking differently.

Time and Timing

     Our lives are made up of the time we have and how we use it. There are countless ways we can spend the time we have each day, each week, each month, and each year. Everyone seems to spend it differently and we all seem to have separate paths and separate goals that guide how we use our time. Time is something we try to manage and control, all while attempting to get the most out of each day in whatever way we see fit. The funny thing about that is, we don't know exactly how much time we even have to spend in our lives. As much as we may try to control how and where we spend our time, it never ceases to amaze me how ineffective this can seem to be. I think a big part of it is that we each are trying to control our own schedules and plan our own days, but then we go out into reality and realize we aren't in a vacuum. As soon as we interact with someone else, things change and our carefully planned schedules can go wildly out of control. The problem is that we can't fully control all of the variables and when our time hits someone else's, things change. And yet, often times we still seem to act as those we can plan out our days exactly as we want them to be.

     But, life is made up of moments where things don't go as planned and we have something happen that we never could have expected. Along those same lines lies the notion of timing. It's been said that timing is everything and that things happen because someone was in the right or wrong place at the right or wrong time. Most of the time, we can't make good timing happen. Being in that place at that time often relies on things beyond our control. This is something that has become more apparent in my life recently and I'm constantly reflecting on it. I agonizingly analyze events, trying to think of ways I could have spent time differently or how I could have tried to create better timing. The thing is, I don't know how things might have turned out had I spent my time differently. We can all speculate, but we can never know for sure.

     A recent example of this in my life would be just recently when I was at work speaking with my supervisor about the task I was being assigned. A young lady walked up and started talking with my supervisor about how she was getting used to campus and her roommates since she's a transfer student so everything was new to her at UMD. She talked about how she was trying to find a good group or club to get involved with and that she didn't really like her roommates because they were "normal" college kids, meaning they like to go to wild parties and get drunk on the weekends. The whole time I'm listening to her talk, I can't help but feeling a sense of excitement building because I've heard that story and sense of searching for something different before. My supervisor turns to me and asks if I know of any good groups here on campus and I smiled and told her that I knew of just the community she should get involved with, namely The Navigators. I explained to the young lady that this group was pretty special, one that can give you an amazing community of friends, carry you through any situation, and change your life if you let it. She seemed pretty excited herself by the idea so I invited her to our weekly family dinner event happening that evening so that she could get plugged in. After we exchanged contact information and she headed on her way, I sat there for several minutes stunned by what had just occurred. I remembered so clearly how I felt that same way when I was coming in to college here at UMD as many have and I realized how big of an impact this one group has had on me over the years. In terms of timing, how could I have ever known that this meeting would have happened? If she had arrived half an hour before, I would have still been in class and she wouldn't have had the chance to have me tell her about this amazing group and the life changing experience that it offers. If I hadn't been in contact with my supervisor over the winter break regarding a different matter, would she have ever offered me the part time job that I now have that led to this encounter? If I hadn't been in the right place to be invited by a professor to be a part of the program that I am now in that led to the need to contact my now supervisor regarding that other matter, would any of this have happened? Since that first meeting, the young lady has joined The Navs, attended our major Mid-Atlantic Collegiate Conference, and made several new friends that I believe will give her an amazing college experience, as they have for me. But again, would any of this have happened if the original timing wasn't right and I wasn't in the right place at the right time to tip over the first domino? We may never know and I don't think we can. The important thing is that it did happen and a whole new unforeseen path can be made because of it.

     Something else that has come up recently along the same lines is the concept of things taking a long time versus a short time to accomplish or change. When I started my senior year this past fall, I had no idea of what I wanted to be doing after graduation in terms of starting my career. I could understand that concept that I will need a job and that the ideal is to find something that I will enjoy doing, but I didn't know what that meant for me in terms of what I should be going after. It felt like it should be something that I could "get done", meaning that I should be able to spend an afternoon exploring career paths that come out of the two majors that I have, and that by the end of the day I should know what I want to do. It turned out though that this wasn't the case and it took a mix of going through interviews, taking more classes, and really exploring the possibilities to get a good notion of what I may enjoy doing, at least as a starter point. I had to be told over and over by people such as my father that these thing don't happen overnight and that they take time. The time that I took to go through all that I did has given me a much clearer focus as to what I'm aiming for. Could or should it have taken a longer or shorter time to reach the point where I'm now at? I could see the result that I wanted and felt like it shouldn't take any time at all, but it has taken time and that's what has caused me to grow. Again though, I may have never discovered my current interests had the timing not been right for me to have spoken with a recent graduate from my same major, who recommended I take a class in the area that I'm now interested in. If the timing hadn't been right for me to have had the internship experience that I had this past summer, I may never have found out more about what I do and don't enjoy doing. Heck, if the timing hadn't been right for me to have the opportunity to run my produce business as I did, I may have never selected the majors that I'm about to graduate with a degree in. The possibilities and paths to follow all of the timing chain backwards through my life are limitless.

     Time is such a strange concept, one we can't fully understand and wrap our minds around. No matter what, there are so many ways to spend your time that you can never do everything, so choices must be made. It's funny how time seems to fly by when we're having fun and yet it drags on when we can't wait for something to be over or for something to happen. Think about the way you're spending your time today. Are you spending it in the most productive way? Who is to say what the most productive way is? Does it even matter? If you are spending your time unwisely according to someone else's standards or ideas, does that affect you? Why or why not? If you "waste" your time doing something seemingly trivial and meaningless, is that really a bad thing? What if it turns into something that somehow allows you to follow your dreams and feel fulfilled in life? If you had spent more time focusing on something or trying to be better at some task or had spent more time with that one person, would the outcome have been different? .

     But timing is everything, right? I believe that's a really odd and difficult concept because if it were really everything then why aren't we spending all of our time focusing on how to make our timing perfect? Or who knows, maybe we are and we just don't realize it. Is it even possible to make our timing perfect? Sure, we can try to put the odds in our favor by being in certain places at certain times, but do we actually think that that's what makes good timing happen? Timing is the "everything" that we can't control or predict. We make plans and schedule how we're going to spend our time, and then God laughs and throws us way off course. But who knows, maybe it's all for the better that timing in this regard is a great unknown. It's what's led to the lives that we now lead and has even lead to you reading this blog post because your timing was right to see it go by in your online ventures. I guess overall I would say that time really isn't a finite resource and it can lead to changes we never could have imagined, whether that be over the course of an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, or even a lifetime. Time is a valuable resource though, one that you should spend wisely, in whatever way that may look like for you. But even if you don't, don't worry because you can never know what will come next as a result of how you spent your time. For now, I leave you with the thanks for taking the time to read this post and consider how you may relate. Remember, this is all just a thought.

Human Fallacy

     To say that we as humans act in a logical manner is, more often than not, totally untrue. It's amazing how many times I see, in other's lives as well as my own, instances where the right thing to do or the correct action is not the one we take. Over and over in my own life, I have times where I can see what I need to do, understand why I need to do it, see what the outcome will be if I don't do it, and yet I don't actually do that thing that I need to do. I've come to the conclusion that our actions are ones that we perform with the influence of a mix of factors. Doing something beneficial may look good on paper and may make sense, but in reality we need that reason along with a will, the right setting and a sense of motivation to follow through. The most ironic part of all this that I find is that we all realize this oddity in our human nature yet we're powerless to change it.

     There are many ways in which we may try to change the way we do something or change how we go about getting things done, such as creating to do lists or gaining advice on how to do something better. In the end though, all of human history shows the limits of our efforts. The other strange thing is that something that may make sense and seem like the right thing to do to us may not seem like that to someone else. Try as we may, we can never fully understand what someone else is thinking, regardless of how well we think we know them. I know for me personally as an introvert, I spend a lot of time observing, analyzing, and playing through scenarios in my head about how an action will play out or how a conversation with someone may go.  There are times I feel like I'm Sherlock Holmes in Game of Shadows. It never ceases to amaze me though how often these scenarios don't happen as I expected. On the other side of this, it seems as though we can never quite fully make someone else see just how it is we feel or what it is we're thinking. I keep wanting to somehow convey my thoughts and feelings into someone else's head like it's something I could load on a flash drive and transfer to them, but I keep hitting the wall of reality.

     This whole topic of actions not always following logic is something that has come up a lot for me in recent months, and I guess its always been there, just not as prominent in my thoughts. Oddly enough, the church service I went to this past Sunday was on this topic, talking about Romans 7:14-25 and how we do the things we know we don't want to do. This worked out well because I was thinking of this passage just the night before. On a quick side note and as a preview, that phenomena of me seeing things coming before they happen will be discussed in my next post. Anyway, the man giving the message that morning talked about how there are a lot of things in our lives where we just keep trying to do what we know we need to, but we fail repeatedly. This was strange for me sitting there in a room full of people mostly older than me all seeming to agree with him because I realized that this is a natural occurrence that's not likely to end anytime soon in my life. The main point of his message was that we are so lucky to be covered by God's grace, because it just keeps going regardless of how many times we act as Paul describes in the passage. Paul's writing about this clearly shows that this is nothing new but it's something that we must live with and in a sense can rest easy with because we know we're not alone. For me, I'm having to learn more and more that change, along with a lot of other things, can be a slow process. Changing habits, finding motivation, and shifting the way we live doesn't always happen quite as quickly as our fast paced society would like it to. Often we can see the results we want but when they don't happen instantly or sometimes even at all, we're left wondering what happened. This can easily be related to the concept of New Year's resolutions and how it seems like every year people make them and yet every year people joke about how they've failed to fully realize them.

     Overall, I guess it's like Paul says in Romans 7:23, "there is another power within me that is at war with my mind." We keep at it, whatever it may be, because we have a drive to succeed and a guilt if we do nothing. The brokenness of humanity, including my own, will continue to baffle me as long as I live, in all of the forms it comes in. For me, I've discovered that writing things down and checking things off makes me feel accomplished and makes me more successful, although again this is something that I fail to always do even though I know the benefits that will come from it. Really though, it seems as though more often than not we set up the logical course of action, just to watch it fall apart due to our human fallacy and this crazy thing called life.

All is Quiet on New Year's Day

My favorite song of 2012, One Thousand Suns. Feel free to listen as you read. 

I've discovered I have a deep connection to trance music as it always tells an incredible story if you're willing to hear it.  

     Well, here we are at the start of another year. Unlike my previous new years notes, I decided to make this post the start of a blog that I've been wanting to make for a long time. As usual, reflecting on a year gone by brings up a lot of memories, questions, thoughts, uncertainties, and somewhat of a sense of peace. One thing I discovered this past year about myself is that I love endings or closings, really coming full circle. Whether it be watching a season finale of a show, reading the last few pages of a book, or wrapping up a good conversation, I never seem to be fully satisfied until I can somehow mentally check something off of a list. 

     This past year was full of these kinds of events which really carried me from some of my highest highs to some of my lowest lows. It seems as though I will always have to be reminded that the only real constant is change and 2012 was certainly full of it. The year started off wild as usual as I decided to venture out on my own farther than I'd ever been before, out to Toledo, Ohio where I spent several days hanging out with my friend Leon, aka Jaguar, that I know exclusively through the internet. I got to explore the whole area, meet some new people, and have my first experience at a shooting range. Jaguar is originally from Russia and I got to meet the rest of his family one night, where I got to sit in a room full of people while we all had dinner and I had no idea what anyone was saying! A few days later I worked my way back towards home, deciding to weave my way through the West Virginia mountains to make a day trip of visiting my aunt and uncle. Eventually I made my way back to Maryland and UMD where I kicked off a wild semester. 

     The spring semester was one of the greatest times of my college career. I had the most memorable and incredible adventures with my best friends all while working through some difficult classes, having my first internship, and applying and interviewing for a summer internship. I went with the rest of the Navs up to Chester, PA where we got to spend about a week working in Fredrick Douglass Christian School on a variety of different projects. I learned that people come from a wide variety of backgrounds and they can often have different ways of expressing their belief in Christ, but that doesn't make it wrong. After the trip, I headed home to finish off the break and had my first drink with my dad as I turned 21. The rest of the semester seemed to fly by as I headed towards the summer. The big 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic came, something I had been looking forward to since I was much younger when I used to study all about the Titanic. I set myself up for an internship opportunity for the summer and bought my first car, a 2001 Honda Accord. Overall, my junior year was a crazy ride but it wrapped up well.

     The summer came and for the first time in a decade, I wasn't working at the produce stand. I headed up to Bethlehem, PA for a summer internship in a wholesale grocery warehouse where I got to learn about just how much it takes to fill the stores with everything that we can often take for granted. I got to spend the summer living in a guest room with a great guy, Rich, who was happy to show me around the area and get me plugged in to his church.  I also made a friend who took me on some adventures around town, including Musikfest. I certainly had quite the stories to bounce off everyone as I had the experience of doing things such as spending five weeks on night shift where my work day started at 10 pm and was almost over when the sun rose. It was certainly a rough environment for me but I made it through and learned a lot because of it. I decided to take a long weekend that I had and head up to Schenectady, NY to visit Tyler and see where he grew up. I eventually finished up with my internship and headed home to enjoy a week off before heading back to UMD to start my senior year. 

     The fall semester started off with a bang as I was caught off guard by career fairs that started the second week. That was just a sign of things to come as I applied for so many opportunities that during one week I had five interviews. I ventured up with Matt and Alyssa to visit my grandmother in Erie, PA which was something we hadn't done in many years. In our apartment, I got used to living with a few new guys but Tyler and I started into our third year of being roomies. I got baptized through the church I go to at UMD, Maryland Christian Fellowship, which signified turning over a new leaf for me. Through my classes and interviews, I went even further than I had ever gone before, spending a few days in Anaheim, CA one week and a day in Keene, NH the next. This fall semester was one that really stretched me to my limits in a lot of ways and just kind of slowly rolled towards the winter break, leaving me uncertain of a lot of things but constantly exploring. 

     So, now we're here at my final winter break of college. So far I've had a good Christmas and I've finally started to pack up my old room, which is a big deal for me. But, I've still got three weeks left of break and I'm gonna enjoy them.

     Well, that's about it, my 2012 in review. But now we're at the start of a whole new year, one that will certainly hold a lot of surprises and big changes. My two majors that I will be graduating with a degree in are Supply Chain Management and Marketing, with my ambitions aimed more towards the first of the two. I've got one semester left at UMD and then...well I'm still not sure of what then, but I'm working on it. This past year, once again, some things and some friendships changed more than I ever imagined they would. People moved, got married, started new jobs, graduated, and so on and so forth. It's funny because I seem to say the same thing every year but it always feels like something is different each time around. I've never been a big fan of change but it seems that I don't have much choice in the matter. These reviews always make me take a step back and see the story that's always being written. It seems that we get caught up so much in the day to day nature of our lives that it can be hard to realize just how one thing impacts another. 
     
     One thing that I've definitely tried to learn and wrap my mind around is that we pretty much always have a choice, regardless of whether we realize it or not and regardless of the subject matter that we're making the choice about. I've learned that I'm someone who is highly analytical and because of this I can never seem to fully settle on a choice and be fully satisfied. Satisfaction itself seems to be a never ending quest and life is a mystery filled with unknowns that we can never solve. The main thing I keep facing is that, barring any catastrophic events such as Mayan doomsdays that never seem to actually happen, the world keeps turning and time keeps ticking along with us powerless to stop it. But I guess, even if we could, I'm not sure we would want to because then we couldn't reflect on time gone by as I am doing here. Something else I've realized this past year is that logic is not a motivator and just because reason shows us what may or may not occur, it doesn't mean that we're actually going to do the reasonable thing. Really, humanity is this strangely broken thing that doesn't have that concrete ending or obtainable set foreseeable result of being fixed or completed that I described back at the start as something I seem to always desire. People come and go, events happen, life goes on, and the amount of actual control that we have is astoundingly small. Everyone always seems to have their input, their advice, their ideas of what should happen but it comes down to how we act on all of this. One of my favorite quotes is "Man Plans, God Laughs" which is funny because it relates to my key "life" verse, if you will, of Jeremiah 29:11 which states "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." These are both things I've looked to quite often as 2012 has drawn to a close and I look back and see how many of my plans did not go as planned. We can't ever fully know a situation or fully know another person and every part of life requires faith of some kind, even if we don't realize it. Along with that, I've discovered that a lot of what we do and how we live comes down to not whether or not something is actually true or not, but whether we actually believe its true or not. Regardless of what our beliefs may be, a fact is by definition true, we just can't ever fully know what all of the facts are. This is something that I feel I will wrestle with for a long time.

     

     So here we are at the beginning of a whole new adventure called 2013. Although we may not know entirely where we're going as individuals, as a nation, and as a world, I'm pretty sure we'll be back again this time next year reflecting once again. I know I plan on diving right in, being hopeful about the changes that will come and knowing that some things never change. I want to thank everyone who played a part in my life in 2012, you certainly helped make it a wild ride. Hopefully I've left a positive impression on you all and if not, maybe even that's something that can change this new year. Now comes my favorite part though, that thing that I tried to describe at the outset of this message, the ending that ties it all together as a complete package. Although, I've learned that even the things that I think that I've brought to a close never really end. But for now, here's to 2013 and whatever it may bring. Let's make it another year to remember.

-Adam