In today's world, distractions are everywhere. Screens are always on, we're always on the move, and our attention is constantly pulled in every direction. With everything going on, it's important for us to be able to communicate effectively. Doing so can make or break us when it comes to our careers, our marriages, our friendships and our families. It is this skill that allows us to break through the noise and get our message across. But, the crucial part of effective communication is not actually speaking, even if it means speaking well. The key is listening.
When one thinks about the concept of listening, it seems like a simple one. Of course I listen, you might say, I listening to people all the time. But are you honestly listening? Here's a quick check for you. If the majority of your listening includes looking at a screen, or thinking of what you'll say or do next, you're not actually listening. And the truth is, most of the time, others can tell. Although you may not be speaking, you're sending a clear message: you don't want to hear what's being shared. For the person talking to you, it's distracting to try and overcome this and it may turn them off from talking to you entirely. It may take effort to put the phone down and turn off the TV, but it makes all the difference.
The good news is, as with any other skill, good listening can be learned and applied. To do this, we need to start with understanding what's causing our communication issues with others, in both directions. Often we can fail to listen because of our impatience and our desire to get the next word in or to jump to a conclusion. This has become more prevalent with the speed of our world today, along with us having much need to wait for anything. We may be listening to what someone is saying and assume we know what they're going to say. Or, we may hear what's said and turn it around so that the focus shifts to us rather than the other person. True listening means focusing solely on what the other person is saying. It’s about understanding, not rebuttal or input. It's crucial to avoid taking control of a conversation and telling someone what to do or labeling them with a quick fix remedy. Once we recognize the flaws we have in how we listen to others and respond, we can work towards improvement.
There are of course verbal aspects to listening as well, beyond receiving the words that someone else is saying to you. The purpose of verbal communication on the listener's end is to show through your words that you've understood what's been said. This involves identifying the feeling and thought content of what's being shared and reflecting that back to the speaker. It's through this that we show that we're engaged in actively listening and that we care. This kind of listening opens the other person up to sharing more and allows the communication to flow naturally. If our verbal responses only include the occasional 'mmhmm' and asking the speaker to repeat themselves, we'll soon find that the other person doesn't have much more to say.
Listening is key in all aspects of our lives. It is through listening that we learn from others, we understand those beyond our self, and we change our world for the better. Many conflicts can be avoided, and better results created, through the act of effective listening. With the holidays fast approaching and interactions coming with family and friends from all walks of life, we'd be better off if we listened before speaking. It takes effort to do this in our daily lives. But, it's through this effort that we can show a genuine interest in others by actively listening to what they have to say. We may discover something new, feel more satisfied, and have a better life because of it.
